Our life with Baby Girl is really hard for me to put into words & write on paper. To me, it is chaos. To the outside world I'm sure it just looks like "life with 2 kids." The lack of preparation + the unknown are the two things in our lives that have really turned our world upside down- in a great, crazy, radical way. We had 4 hours to prepare for the arrival of a 2nd child and we do not know what the future holds. My lack of posting in this series of "Fostering Love" is simply because my mind is tired. I'm asked daily what the future holds for our family & I simply do not know. We are taking life day by day. For others, that is hard to fathom. Most would never consider Foster Care as a part of their lives so they can't imagine raising a child not knowing the outcome. It is our life. And we are ok with that.
This post is born simply out of the desire to share our experiences with those that want to a peek into our lives. I struggle with providing enough quality time with Reddington & not just the everyday: "Put your coat on... Pick up your toys... It's time for dinner"...kind of stuff. Typically, I care for Lil Sis while Nathan meets Reddington's needs. I miss my boy. There - - - I said it. That's the honest truth. I must carve out more time to read stories, use finger paints, make a mess, play pla-doh, & so on instead of just feed, diaper, & take care of the Baby. I remind myself daily that the Lord knows. He knows my thoughts before I have them, He knows our situation because it was His plan, & He is the only one that can give each of us the love & peace that we need as we live life without knowing the outcome. . . because He already knows the outcome. One of reasons for not having another biological baby was because Reddington was/is enough for us for now. We want to be the best parents - - not just going through the motions with multiple kids. When we became licensed for a 0-12 month old foster baby, we simply had no idea how quickly everything would happen. Honestly, we thought it could be a good year before receiving a call. That would give us even more time with our boy as an only child. Again, the Lord knew. He knew that some days I would feel like a failure in my desire to be "the best mom" for my son. He knew that my heart would continue to desire to Foster Love with more children -in addition to Baby Girl- regardless of whether she is part of our 'Forever Family' or not.
Isn't that what being radical for Jesus is all about? It's about sacrifices in the areas of money, life, time, & my life plan. The Lord sure knows I feel like we've done that in this process... We're being broken slowly but surely for the things of God & not the things that the world says are valued.
What do I need to do? I have to choose to be more intentional in life. To carve out time to play with Reddington and spend more time with my hubby - - just the 2 of us! I feel like they have both sacrified so much for the sake of the family & for Baby Girl. Anyone that has a 3 year old knows that there is no adult conversation taking place when the child is in the room! He will say, "Stop talking, Mama" or "Stop talking, Daddy." It is pretty funny, though. He can make me smile & laugh like no one else. :)
Baby Girl Update: She is thriving & doing well. She is precious. We feel so blessed to welcome her into our home. She does spit up a lot & we may consider Acid Reflux medication for that. She is sleeping from 9 p.m. until 2:30-3:30 a.m. when she wakes to eat. I am thrilled with that! She then eats before we leave the house which is usually between 5:30 & 6:15. Reddington could not love her more. He does not leave her side & hasn't shown any jealousy or ill will towards her one bit. We are grateful for that. If/when she goes home to her Birth Parents, it will be a BIG adjustment. You cannot prepare yourself or a 3 year old for that big of a life change. I already know he will ask about her constantly & wonder where she is. We will face that bridge when we come to it/if we come to it.
Well, I suppose I should've just called this a WHTGT Random post because I know my thoughts are all over. I assumed you may appreciate a jabbering post rather than nothing at all. Thanks for hanging with me & if you read along this far, you deserve a prize. Chocolate & Diet Coke, anyone? {smile}
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