Warning: Adult Eyes Only!

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” ~Rajneesh

I have avoided writing this post about Reddington's birth story since he was born the beginning of 2009. I truly thought that I could put it out of my mind & never go “there.” Well, as Reddington approaches his very first birthday I’m feeling like it is time for this avoided/eluded post to come to the surface. Apparently I must’ve thought that with such an awful delivery it would cloud the joy everyone feels for our bundle of joy. Well, news flash, Megan, it hasn’t! Reddington was born healthy at 9:48 in the morning on 2.05.09 weighing 7lbs & 13 oz; regardless of what I went through as a “Mama-to-be,” I was all the more excited to meet my Miss or Mr. So, let the journey begin...

2.04.09 7 a.m. Two days after my due date of 2.02.09, Nathan & I were to report to Decatur Memorial Hospital to be induced. We.were.so.excited to meet Baby Holt. We couldn’t believe the time had finally arrived! We arrived @ DMH, waited for Nathan’s brother, Matt, to arrive from the Transportation Department & escort us to the Labor & Delivery floor.

8 a.m. The nurses greeted us & asked me 100 questions- no kidding. Even a silly one like, “Are you keeping this baby or giving it up for adoption?” I was hooked up to the monitors & checked for dilation. I was dilated a couple of centimeters. Each time I was “checked” it was extremely painful. I dreaded this. I then received Cervadil. Cervadil is a small rectangular pouch with a retrieval cord. It’s inserted into the “V” & contains Prostaglandin. This chemical plays a part in ripening the cervix so that it is ready to respond to contractions. This is inserted for 12 hours. It is very uncomfortable & slightly painful.

9 a.m. until 8 p.m. My family, Nathan’s family, friends, & other visitors stopped by on & off throughout the day. I couldn’t eat at all & just tried to entertain myself by chit-chatting with visitors, being online, listening to my iPod, etc…I knew that it was going to be a ‘day of waiting’ & was fully prepared for that. My mom, specifically, was quite anxious & a little restless throughout the day. She was completely convinced that we were having a GIRL! She even showed up to the hospital in a PINK sweater!

8:30 p.m. Shift change had occurred & the ‘night’ nurses were now on duty. My Cervadil was removed. The contraction monitor was showing that I was having contractions on my own. The nurse that most frequented my room, “Nurse T” said that if I was having any contractions at all they would not prescribe Pitocin. I was very disappointed when I asked for Pitocin & Nurse T refused. So, the waiting continued…

9 p.m. – on 2.05.09 (Approximately) The nurses regularly checked on me, took my blood pressure, vital signs, etc & all was just fine. The contractions were becoming more annoying than anything & difficult to endure. Dr. Morisetty stopped in on & off to check on me. He had told me during my appointments that he would be surprised if I was able to deliver a baby over 6 lbs vaginally as my pelvic area is so small, but he wanted me to ‘try’ & see what happened. Around this time I requested an Epidural since I knew that it could take hours to receive…& it did! I waited & waited. Nurse T checked me on & off even though Dr. Morisetty said that checking for dilation can lead to infection & should be done very seldom. I was still only dilated to around a 3. The contractions were becoming very painful & I was starting to feel like I was ‘on my last nerve.’

3 a.m. Dr. Morisetty called Nurse T to find out how I was doing. She checked me- once again- & told him that I was progressing & dilated to a 5-6. {When she checked me, she was forcing her hand inside & it was covered in blood/blood clots when she finished. She acted as though this was completely normal.} Dr. Morisetty asked me (on the phone) if I could continue the process if I received the Epidural & I said ‘Yes.’ He then stated that Nurse T would check me one final time at 5 a.m. She would call him with the result & if I was continuing to dilate, fine. If not, he was considering a C-Section at 5:30 a.m.

3:30 a.m - 5 a.m. After asking numerous times for the Epidural, the Anesthetist finally arrived. My first impression of him was not good at all. He literally looked terrible, obviously had just rolled out of bed, & immediately asked Nathan to leave. Nurse T, the Anesthetist, the Anesthetist’s Assistant, & I were the only ones allowed in the hospital room. While the preparations were taking place, Nurse T & the Anesthetist were conversing back in forth & saying things to me such as, “Do you think a C-Section is an easy way out because it’s not…A C-Section is a major surgery…Do you know the complications associated with a C-Section…Why are you thinking you may have a C-Section when you haven’t even been given Pitocin…?” While responding & listening to this conversation I am in tears. I am spent at this point- I had been awake for almost 24 hours, I am starving, & I am emotionally exhausted. I am having regular contractions 2-3 minutes apart & the Anesthetist inserts the needle into my back DURING A CONTRACTION. I am forced to hold onto Nurse T & am in the most physical pain I have ever felt. After the Epidural my parents & Nathan entered the room. I am so upset. I explain the entire experience to my family who don’t quite understand how painful, heartbreaking, & upsetting the experience was. I call my sister & tell her about it. She is upset for me & is very sympathetic. Nurse T re-enters the room while I am talking to my sister. I don’t realize she is in the room & she hears everything I say. Once I do notice, I continue talking because I am ok with her hearing everything. Nurse T says that my blood pressure is rising & tries to calm me down. She apologizes for the situation as I tell her how unprofessional, rude, etc… it was of her & the others to talk to me & about me in that manner.

5 a.m. comes & goes---Nurse T does not check me & call Dr. Morisetty like she was told. It appeared to me that she didn’t want me to have a C-Section but didn’t want me to deliver vaginally, either! Remember: she refused to inquire about/give me Pitocin for a vaginal delivery & I asked 2 different times.

6 a.m. Nurse T checks me & calls Dr. Morisetty to tell him I am dilated to a 6. I am told that Dr. Morisetty will be in to see me around 7 a.m.

7 a.m. (Shift Change) Dr. Morisetty arrives & I am in tears at this point. He asks to check me & does so. When his hand shows blood he is alarmed & says that it represents damage to that area. Nathan & I are not surprised because Nurse T was very rough each time she checked. He then states that I never dilated past a 3! I am in shock. I am upset. I can’t believe it. I am, however, glad that my suspicions were confirmed to me that Nurse T was not looking out for my best interests. (I do realize that the dilation number can vary based on the person checking but I refuse to believe that her “6” is Dr. Morisetty’s ‘3’) The three of us then enter a conversation regarding Nurse T & we are told that she is a nurse in TRAINING (the reason I’m referring to her as Nurse “T”) & shouldn’t have been in our hospital room unsupervised! I now feel violated & disgusted. I can’t believe that my baby & I were in her care. I am so disappointed. We tell Dr. Morisetty that only once or twice the entire night did she enter our room with another nurse. Other than that, she was our only nurse. He leaves the room immediately & it is obvious that he is upset. We do not see Nurse T ever again from that point on.

7:30 a.m. - 8:30 a.m. Dr. Morisetty returns saying that he noticed that the baby’s heart rate is dipping with contractions & becomes somewhat alarmed. He has stated that due to lack of progress & dilation that I will, in fact, be having a C-Section stating that 24 hours is long enough to be in labor. He contemplates an Emergency C-Section at 7:30 which would push out a scheduled C-Section for that time. He continues to monitor & think all will be ok to proceed with the next available C-Section time which is 8:30 a.m. I call a couple of girlfriends to let them know I will be delivering via C-Section in 1 hour. Our families are notified, too. I then fix my hair a little bit, do my make-up, etc..wanting to look as good as possible to meet my new little bundle of joy- I am so anxious to find out if I have been carrying a “Miss” or a “Mr.” for the past 40 weeks & 3 days! Nathan gets dressed in his ‘attire’ so that he can be in the operating room. I am not nervous, to speak of, & don’t ask any questions as I just want to experience everything for myself.

8:30 a.m. C-Section begins: I can smell something burning & don’t ask any questions. I know that it is me being cut open. I only knew that was the smell because my friend, Heather, had described it to me a couple of years ago. I talk myself through deep breathing the entire time not wanting to pass out or get sick on the table. I feel so nauseous but hang on because I just want to be conscious & aware of what’s happening when the baby is born. It seems like f.o.r.e.v.e.r. I learn that Dr. Morisetty is meticulous, to say the least. He probably spent 45 minutes making the incision; I am thankful that he is this way. We learn that the reason the baby’s heart rate was dipping is because the umbilical chord is wrapped around his neck. (We are so thankful for a healthy baby!) I can hear the baby screaming & ask “WHAT IS IT?” Dr. Morisetty states that we don’t know, yet. Nathan is taking pictures & talking to me the entire time. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. FINALLY the entire body is exposed & Dr. Morisetty says, “IT’S A BOY!” I shed tears of joy & delight to know that my first born is here at 9:48 a.m. I then kiss HIS face & know that HE is a miracle. Nathan is beaming & I couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face if I tried! It is announced that he weighs 7lbs 13 oz & is 21.5 inches long. I am so thankful that Dr. Morisetty was right & a C-Section was the best option for the delivery. My heart is overflowing thinking about Nathan announcing the delivery & showing Reddington off to our family. It was an unexplainable feeling. At this point, I am so relieved that the delivery is over. I remember feeling such a sense of peace that I was done carrying this baby inside the womb. The urgency & the anticipation were over & I couldn’t have been more pleased. I feel asleep on the table as I was being sewn up which probably took about an hour. I was beyond exhaustion. I had the sweetest girl as my Anesthetist in the operating room. She was a true gem & helped to make up for the Anesthetist I had for my Epidural.

I remember leaving the operating room & passing our families in the hallway. With tears in my eyes I remember saying to my mom & dad, “Do you like the name?” & they both responded, “We love it!” With that response I felt that the task was completed. I could relax & take in the rest of the experience that awaited me.

There you have it, the birth story of Mr. Reddington Forrest Holt. It feels great to have it documented, if only for my benefit. I remember the details pretty well because it was such a life changing experience- every single bit of it. Now when people ask or are discussing birth stories, they will know mine without me going into a bunch of detail & telling TMI! I know that each & every birth story is unique & many are much more positive & care free than mine! My story was a long, complicated, unnerving, & best of all OVER for a long, long time. This birth story is one of the main reasons I do not want to have another baby any.time.soon. OF COURSE it was worth it, I’m just not signing up for this, again, anytime soon! I do feel that the pregnancy & delivery was the greatest accomplishment of my life & I am grateful for the experience...the positives, the negatives, & the in-between. Because of this story, I am now a Mom. The most fulfilling job I will ever have on this earth. I love every minute of it & I love every single inch of my boy. He is mine & I am his. It was meant to be: I was meant to be the Mama to Reddington Forrest Holt & he was meant to be my miracle baby boy…& that he is. And the rest- as they say- is history…

"We prayed for you, Reddington, & the Lord has granted us what we asked of Him." ~1 Samuel 1:27